I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
