Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
