So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
