HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish my penis had an off switch
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
