Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
