I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
