I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
