Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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