i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
