I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I looked at my own cervix.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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