Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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