I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
