wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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