after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
