dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
