I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
