My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
