I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
