Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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