Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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