That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
