One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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