He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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