just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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