Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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