best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
