Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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