Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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