it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
