sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
