sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
