people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
