shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
