Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
