We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
