Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
