i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
