WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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