There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
