I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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