i permit you to call me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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