Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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