I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
