Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
why is half of my head shaved?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
