Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
