my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
