So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
