I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
