I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
