well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
