youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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