all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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