Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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