He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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