Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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