not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Four minutes until I can fart!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
